Those Small Moments of Big Faith Staring Back at Me

This morning when the alarm went off at 3:45am, for the first time in my life I was tempted to try out that snooze functionality. Normally chipper in the morning, the late night feedings at the hospital compounded with the early morning feeds just has me running on exhausted. I walked Kellydog which usually brings me joy getting some steps for my FitBit, but I was impatient hoping she could get her business taken care of so I could just get to the hospital and "get it over with" so I could get home and maybe get back to bed. My attitude wast terrible, talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed!

Yesterday, Emme was moved to Bay 1: for "Feeders and Growers" - progress! Now with the older, later term babies she has done really well for the past 48 hours... but that also means more babies, packed into a tighter space, and unlike newborn preemies- later term babies cry... Normally I hold Emme for 45 minutes after a feed, but last night I had to put her back and run (glad she is still in the isolette to curb some of the noise). I was having an anxiety attack from the wails coming at me in each direction, beeps, lights and crowded space. So much for a relaxing atmosphere to breastfeed... I was bitter as I heard another couple vent about being there for four days. Perhaps this is why I so begrudgingly took my time getting in this morning...

But this morning she was in the same place, yet things were different... because I got to see my beautiful baby girls face in its entirety for the first time ever- no tubes! You may remember when she was born, I was heartbroken that she was immediately whisked away to the NICU and put on a CPAP machine, and since has remained on a feeding tube taped across her face inserted through her nose. She has officially graduated from the feeding tube/gavage and is now taking all 8 of her feedings by mouth (breast/bottle) and even gained 46 grams yesterday! I knew she was perfect before, but this morning with her face smiling at me with no tape or tubes, it was miraculous. God is good! i marveled at each milimeter of perfection. That bad day is now far far away and I cannot wait to get back to the NICU and see those scrumptious cheeks!

It has been 43 days in the NICU and she is still living in her isolette connected with a bunch of wires- crazy to think she should still be inside of me for one more month, but I am confident we are winding down our stay and on the dawn of the next chapter: when we finally get to bring sweet Emme home and have our family together under one roof. Without the prayers and support of all of our friends and family, I am not sure we would have made it this far, or had the energy to keep going - thank you for your contagious faith. Savor this time with your family and friends this holiday season!

No tape, no tube- just two scrumptious cheeks to kiss and pinch!!  

No tape, no tube- just two scrumptious cheeks to kiss and pinch!!