The excitement mixed with anxiety that new moms feel as the final weeks of their pregnancy roll around is a unique feeling - with butterflies in your stomach and worry on your shoulders. Although Emme was born two months ago, those same feelings have been flooding my every day this past week as we are on the eve of bringing home sweet Emerson Claire and soon instead of mothering one of my babies at a time, I will finally be a mother of two mothering two under two in our very own house. I am terrified... but thrilled.
After the false hope of having Emme come home on the New Year, and again on Tuesday, I wasn't holding my breath when we were told she would be coming home today - but this time I have to admit it felt different. We did the carseat test again, and she passed. She had the RSV Synergis vaccine, Hep B, and I even sat with her as she did a comprehensive discharge physical. She is weighing six whole pounds now! Grant's mom is in town helping with Grace and my parents are back from the funeral just in time - pieces were falling into place. When Grant and I left the hospital last night around 9:30, we were smiling from ear to ear - it was really happening - we were ready. It reminded me of when Grace started coming but I had delayed labor and it took a week for her to finally enter the world. My girls run on their own timeline, that sure is evident already.
Then at 11:30pm last night, I was awoken by a call from Dr. Chan that Emerson had suffered another serious spell and hadn't been breathing, requiring stim to rescusitate. She was kind in noting our disappointment, with dreams of bringing her home today shattered. As much as I as longing for this to be the day, Grant and I are both confident in the decision to stay.
When she is finally discharged, one thing I have always found to be hilarious is that I have to exit the hospital in a wheel chair- like all of those moms I have longed to be outside the hospital being discharged with their cute new bundle of joy tucked safely in a carseat as the nervous new daddy fumbles as he pulls up the car. I know it may sound really weird, but I cannot wait. Yes, Emme was born in November, but I plan on reveling in her homecoming! (I've already recruited my awesome mom to get pink balloons and cheesy "Its a girl!" signs to welcome us home, whatever day that is.) I have no idea why the silly little celebration has come to mean so much, but I am looking forward to the cheese -- the celebration -- the sigh of relief.
I am writing this outside the NICU awaiting to hear if the doctors plan on putting her on a 2 day or 5 day study, but in reality - we are happy to do whatever is best. As I mentioned above - Grant and I were both awoken by the call - meaning had she had the spell at home and we were both asleep - who knows what would have happened if she stopped breathing and we had no monitors.
I am grateful for the amazing team who has helped Emme thrive and know that while we have 54 days in the NICU down, a few more will only help her grow stronger. Heck - she wasn't even supposed to be born until February 1st... look at all that she has accomplished since November 15th!
Noting a silver lining of sorts, with Emme being under the best care, I am hopefully able to care for my best friend in the whole world who yesterday was hospitalized battling her own health issue. If Emme was coming home, I wouldn't be able to visit her or help with her kids, so in a weird way, maybe everything does work out for a reason? Food for thought at least...
My phone is still broken so I am still using a loaner which unfortunately does not have a good camera...